I wanted to share a message of who we’re inspired by, and in turn, who we (hopefully) inspire. Therefore, this week’s Inspirational quote and interpretation comes from a desire to wish the very best for our amazing children as they prepare to embark on their “adulting” journey of life:
“You will teach them to fly, but they will not fly your flight. You will teach them to dream, but they will not dream your dream. You will teach them to live, but they will not live your life. Nevertheless, in every flight, in every life, in every dream, the print of the way you taught will always remain.
– Mother Teresa of Calcutta
I’m fairly certain that all parents go through this stage at some point in life – when we experience both excitement and trepidation as we watch our most treasured and precious offspring graduate from college and stare real-life adulthood in the eyes. We wonder if we’ve armed them not only with the life skills they’ll need to navigate the challenging waters of the road ahead, but also if we’ve given them the confidence they need to have in themselves to make the right decisions when we’re not around. And while I’m a big proponent of showing unconditional love, frequent signs of affection, and overt pride in their accomplishments, I always wonder if I gave them too much support, perhaps giving them an unrealistic impression of a failsafe or backstop if life happens to come off the rails. As a recent December graduate from Virginia Commonwealth University, my daughter is beginning this scary adventure – made even more challenging given the reduced number of job prospects due to the COVID pandemic. It made me recall a favorite story I came across that seems to capture the lesson, we as parents, strive to impart:
A father said to his daughter “You have graduated from university. Here is a car I bought in 1999 when it first came out. It’s a bit older now. But before I give it to you, take it to a used car dealer and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you for it.” The daughter went to the used car dealer, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because they said it looks pretty worn out.”
The father reflected on this and then said, “Now take it to the local pawn shop and ask them the same thing.” The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said, “The pawn shop offered only $250 because it is an old car.”
The father then asked his daughter to go to a local car enthusiast’s club and show them the car. The daughter dutifully took the car to the club, returned and incredulously told her father, “Some people in the club offered me $150,000 for it because it’s a Nissan Skyline R34. It's an iconic car and sought by many collectors.”
After taking his daughter’s hand in his and looking her meaningfully in the eye, the father then shared with his daughter the following advice: “The right place values you the right way. If you are not valued, do not be angry. It just means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you... Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.”
If you scour the internet long enough searching for “words of wisdom for children,” you’ll quickly be overcome by the latest, greatest lists of absolutely fantastic and inspirational material. The messages are deep, personal, meaningful, and inspirational in their own right. They venture into areas related to jobs, passions, love, health, communication, integrity, community service, and relationships – just to name a few. And as I read through a few of them this weekend, it made me wonder how successful (or not) I was in imparting these important life lessons in my own children. Have my wife and I done enough to mold their character into confident and self-reliant contributors to our society? Have we armed them with the knowledge they’ll need to: find a personally rewarding and fulfilling job; discover the joy in the right life partner; know when they’re being taken advantage of; stand up for their rights; have the courage to take a calculated risk; take time to help those less fortunate; continually seek self-improvement; take a quiet and thoughtful moment to be thankful for the many blessings they’ve received in life…
I recall 20-some years ago, holding my then baby daughter in arms, and thinking how something so small and vulnerable will be able to handle the challenges of this life. I remember asking my father, a newly minted and proud “grandfather,” if there will ever come a point where we stop worrying about them as parents. Without missing a beat (and perhaps with a tear in his eye), my father gently put his hand on my shoulder and simply said “No son, there won’t.” That seemed like an awfully long time ago, and I presently find myself reflecting on the depth of my father’s answer. I know that there will come some point where my daughter and son reach some magical transition point and begin to fully embrace the role of adult in today’s society. But I also know that despite their newfound independence and agency to live their own lives, they will never stop being my children and I will never stop worrying about them. And while I may continue to question if I’ve done enough, I have to recognize that that is a futile question to ask. I must instead, put faith in the fact that I, along with my incredibly heroic wife, did our very best to prepare them for this often chaotic and uncertain world – and that our job in sharing life’s many words of wisdom is nowhere near complete. So as my brave, beautiful, and fearless daughter starts to take her first (of many) adult steps, I hope she knows that I’ll always be right behind her, reminding her to:
“Always remember that you are Braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
Smarter than you think and
More Beautiful than you could ever imagine.”
Martin Luther King believed that one of life’s most persistent and urgent questions focuses on what you can do for your fellow man/woman. It’s a powerful question. Who are you helping or inspiring today - especially when related to the "value" they bring to the world?
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