While making my rounds through LinkedIn over the weekend, I came across an inspiring story that I thought was worth sharing with our group. It had to do with an initial harsh critique that served as a challenge to motivate future efforts toward success. As I read the criticism, it reminded me of somewhat funny evaluations I had overheard throughout my military career that shared bullet point assessments like: “Soldiers follow this officer out of sheer curiosity;” “Consistently sets low standards and then fails to achieve them;” and “Seems to have a unique proficiency for always pushing on doors marked pull.” While humorous, I’m fairly certain that comments like the ones above have enjoyed their mythical status over the years with small chance of actually being true. But that is what makes this week’s inspirational message relevant as a story of both strength and perseverance.
The posting in question had an accompanying picture that showed an individual proudly holding up a graduate certificate alongside a note he had received early in his career. The note was an assessment that simply stated: “Lacks leadership, talks too much, easily distracted, short attention span, engages in much but accomplished little.” Ouch! Not exactly the message you are excited to bring home to your parents. But that is exactly what this individual was forced to do – specifically because it was written by a collection of his third grade teachers. Unfortunately, the psychological and physical impact of these words was very real, for they set the stage for subsequent diagnoses of ADD, ADHD, Childhood Depression, and a variety of medications and counseling sessions.
That brings me our Inspirational message of the week and is embodied in the following quote:
“Words are powerful. They can crush a heart or heal one. They can shame a soul or liberate one. They can shatter dreams or inspire them. They can disenchant possible connections or invite them. They can foster defenses or melt them. Never underestimate the power of your words and actions to transform the life of another.”
Indeed, there certainly is a tremendous about of potential power of words. When given in a less than constructive way, they can have a crushing and long-term impact on an individuals or team’s confidence, self-belief, and agency. This is especially destructive when these definitions are delivered by authority figures to young individuals with developing minds and emerging personalities.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not a fan of the “everyone gets a trophy” movement, but these don’t have to be mutually exclusive camps. I was taught early in my career that bad news does not get better with time and that as a leader, you are typically the one who is both accountable and responsible for delivering honest and accurate assessments. Sugar-coating or down-playing significant news does a favor to no one. In fact, it can be extremely harmful to not take an immediate and proactive approach to correcting a deficiency once identified. However, our lesson here is that it is still possible to share an evaluation in a fair and constructive manner.
When I look back upon this substantive note from a collection of 3rd grade teachers, the optimist in me wonders if (and hopes) such words came from a place of both momentary truth and future aspirational challenge - something akin to reverse psychology. Almost an “I dare you to prove me wrong” approach. I’m also curious on how this assessment could have been presented in a way that both outlines the dangers of continued disruptive behavior and presents a more productive path. Regardless of the motivations behind that particularly harsh and non-constructive critique, the grit and determination of our hero played out into a good news story. That personal drive prevented him from succumbing to a negative definition of his character at such a young and impressionable age, eventually achieving an advanced graduate degree in Communication and Leadership! Hats off to you for not accepting someone else's definition and boundaries.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton (1839) once shared, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” This metaphor is especially appropriate when the words shared are used to denigrate and destroy. But as our quote of the week highlights, these words can also evoke the necessary spark to ignite the passion in someone’s belly. Without forfeiting truth, they can still heal, liberate, invite, and inspire. How are you using your words today?
Comments